THE 1983 EDITION of the Miss Universe pageant held in St. Louis, Missouri was quintessentially American. To the average American watching the live telecast on CBS, the Parade of Nations must have tested our knowledge (or lack thereof) of world geography. Where in the world was Gambia? Sovereign nation on the bulge of West Africa's Gold Coast. Transkei and Namibia? Territorial dependencies of the Republic of South Africa. What about Mauritius and Reunion? French-speaking islands in the Indian Ocean. Belize? Former British colony "tucked" right under southern Mexico in Central America.

      Bob Barker's welcoming remarks were rather lengthy, but we learn that he was born in Washington state and grew up in Missouri before becoming a Californian. He proceeded to announce the Top 12 semifinalists who would then compete during the live two-hour broadcast. This was the first time I ever watched a complete Miss Universe program on TV, so the novelty of the experience (witnessing twelve young women deemed as the most beautiful dozen on the planet) lulled me into not noticing that eight of the twelve were of European origin, only two token contestans from Venezuela and Singapore represented the vast continental regions of South America and Asia, and the two remaining contenders were blondes from New Zealand and the USA! With such a start, the show would be doomed to be culturally homogeneous. But in almost every Miss Universe contest, Latin and "Oriental" spices lent a hint of pungency, especially to this the most Euro-American pageant since the Miami Beach era of the 1960s.

     Bob Barker conducted his famous on-stage interviews with his accustomed showmanship and humor. Miss New Zealand charmed the St. Louis congregation with her appraisal of American hospitality; Miss Italy listed her favorite Italian dishes; Miss Singapore commented on how casual the style of American dress was (the audience roared with laughter); Miss Venezuela gave a superb interview in English and she even noted the stand-by translator's misuse of the Spanish word hermano to mean "neighbor;" Miss Ireland projected her plans to open a health food store; and Miss Norway hoped to take advantage of her English-speaking ability to become a diplomat for her country.

     Second half of the semi-final interview competition. Miss Switzerland chided Bob for implying that her pursuit of Egyptology studies would not secure her steady employment; Miss Spain merely nodded her head in response to Bob's questions until she sheepishly admitted she spoke no English; Miss England clarified the British term TV "presenter" to be analogous to the American term TV "personality;" Miss Finland revealed her eleven-year writing relationship with her American pen-pal; Miss USA planned to hire all-male dental assistants for her dental practice; and Miss Germany , a legal administrator, joked that her job consisted mostly of typing.

     The musical guest stars were John Schneider (from "The Dukes of Hazzard") and Venezuela's Jose Luís Rodríguez ("El Puma"). The production number in which all of the delegates participated (along with the National Cheerleading Association) was a tribute to the reigning World Series champions, the St. Louis Cardinals. After the Catalina swimsuit and evening gown segments (the Little Sisters premiered this year), the top five were serenaded by Latin crooner Jose Luís Rodríguez .

     Bob announced the fourth, third, and second runners-up (all European); only Miss New Zealand and Miss USA remained. Many rooting Americans tuned in may have had Shawn Weatherly's victory in Korea (1980) fresh on their minds, but their hopes were dashed when Bob, in one breath as is traditionally done, proclaimed Miss USA the first runner-up and Miss New Zealand Lorraine Downes as Miss Universe for 1983. New Zealanders observing this event may have felt finally avenged since New Zealand, indeed, lost the 1980 Miss Universe crown to the USA just three years previously in Seoul. If it's one thing about the outcomes of Miss Universe pageants, expect anything to happen!

by Juan Prado

The 12 Semi-finalists

• LORRAINE DOWNES, New Zealand
• JULIE HAYEK, USA
• ROBERTA BROWN, Ireland
• LOLITA MORENA, Switzerland
• KAREN MOORE, England
• NINA REKOLA, Finland
• LOANA RADECKI, Germany
• FEDERICA MORO, Italy
• KAREN DOBLOUG, Norway
• KATHIE LEE, Singapore
• ANA HERRERO GARCIA, Spain
• PAOLA RUGGERI, Venezuela

Photo courtesy of the Miss Universe Organization

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2007 CRITICAL BEAUTY. All rights reserved.