Dear Rafael,
Congratulations on approaching the one-year anniversary of Critical Beauty. I have never truly expressed my gratitude
in being part of such a wonderful project and I can only remind myself of the horrible lack of pageant fan mediums
in the pre-Internet age.
Critical Beauty reaches countless of fans around the world and if it was up to me I would rename your site,
“Rafa’s Corner of the Cosmos,” how about it? Attached is a short piece on how the Miss Universe pageant impacted
my life from the very beginning, and although your website’s reach is more “global,” I would still like to share
how pageant-mania first influenced me.
That Fateful Night…..July 26, 1982
I stumbled across the Miss Universe telecast by mistake while “flipping” (in those days you actually turned a dial)
through channels on my old, beat-up, little black-and-white TV in my room. I was not raised in a home environment
in which mere physical attractiveness was considered a virtue, so I was at age twelve completely unaware of the
ritual of the beauty contest. As an even younger boy, I equated the title of “Miss Universe” to that of Wonder
Woman, Batgirl, or the Bogeyman. A mythical appellative to be used figuratively like, “Who do you think you are,
the queen of Sheba?” Perhaps due to my bicultural upbringing (as a Latino growing up in the United States),
I discovered Miss Universe long before I encountered the likes of Miss America, Miss USA, the Queen of England,
or even the most legendary of prom royalty, Carrie White.
When I was eleven years old (in 1981), my father casually mentioned to my mother (not to me) that a new record
was listed in the books: Venezuelan womanhood was deemed the most beautiful in the world and the universe.
My pre-adolescent mind questioned, how is that possible? I was too young to even consider the notion of beauty
subjective or prejudiced. What my father was unable to clarify for me (and much less for my less-than-interested
mother) was that for the first time in beauty pageant history both reigning Miss Universe and Miss World winners
hailed from the same country.
A year earlier (in 1980), my afternoon TV schedule of cartoons and family sitcoms was constantly interrupted
by a hokey commercial in which two plain housewives argue about the sugar content of a chewing gum and the
more argumentative of the two exclaims, “This gum is so tasty that if it’s sugarless, I’m Miss Universe!”
Poof, the plain housewife is instantly transformed into a 5’10” blonde bombshell wearing a Catalina swimsuit
and high heels. The blonde beauty’s mane was topped with a ridiculously large rhinestone tiara and her bust
was enveloped by a white banner with royal blue capital letters designating her as MISS UNIVERSE. The banner
could have read Miss Outer Space or Miss Thing for all I knew back then. I thought that the title of Miss Universe
was solely created for this commercial. Little did I realize that the titleholder was a real young woman ennobled
as the global queen of beauty by an international panel of celebrity judges.
Going back to that night in 1982, Bob Barker was chatting with a Miss Greece in English. Miss Greece had a
German-speaking interpreter standing by. What a strange world was this!!! A Miss Greece who did not speak
Greek and a white Miss South Africa??? The following years would bring even more surprises. Anyway, the interview
after that was more brow-raising. Bob Barker’s invasive questioning prompted Miss England to confess her preference
for Englishmen over Latin men. I reveled in the howls and hisses the Peruvian audience hurled at Miss England who
smugly trotted back to her place after a nonchalant realization, “I’ve said the wrong thing.” The irreverence was delightful
– I was going to fall in love with this. The last interview was Miss Uruguay – a demure South American –
who confidently spoke in English and then declared her appreciation of Latin American culture in Spanish,
graciously accepting the thunderous applause and cheers of the people...
In hindsight and with much more “experience,” I would divide Miss Universe history into five epochs:
1952 – 1959 The Early Years
1960 – 1971 The Miami Beach Era
1972 – 1982 Advent of the Satellite
1983 – 1995 Reign of the Little Sisters (The Golden Age)
1996 – ???? Trump’s Triumvirate
Needless to say, I consider the Little Sisters phase the golden age because I grew up
in my pageant world along
with the Little Sisters. Writing about the history of Miss Universe is done through focusing on special moments –
literally ‘photo opportunities’ – that engage us in wonder, puzzlement, or just plain irritation. Most of these
moments occurred for me in the 1980’s. A fantasy of mine is to watch a play in which the five characters (one for each epoch)
emerge, one by one, to think out loud to themselves about what Miss Universe means to them. The character representing the
1980’s would be visited, in a dream, by Shawn Weatherly doing the chewing gum commercial. It had to be Shawn – remember
that no Miss USA had won the Universe crown since 1967 and the USA had a dry spell for thirteen years until the South
Carolingian won in South Korea in 1980. Or was it Irene Saez, the blonde Venezuelan trend-setter, who flounced off
with the crown dressed like Glenda the Good Witch in her carnation pink evening gown and national costume….
I wish the clouds would disperse so I can really see who it is...
So many anecdotes, so many moments...
“We begin the Parade of Nations with Miss Argentina!” By virtue of the Roman-Latin
alphabet, a Latin in a gaucho ensemble would invariably initiate the magically colorful promenade in native costumes.
As the parade approached the M’s, my breath would become short and I would sit up and peel my eyes (even more) for Miss
Mexico in her mariachi outfit or Aztec headdress. My list of favorites was endless – Miss Japan in a stunning kimono,
Miss India in a shimmering sari, Miss Lebanon in her seductive seven veils, Miss Scotland’s brogue and tam o’shanter,
and Miss England with her stiff upper lip.
In the 1980’s, the pageant came to us live from Korea, New York City, Peru, St. Louis, Miami, Panama, Singapore,
Taiwan, and Mexico. The winners came from the USA, Venezuela, Canada, New Zealand, Sweden, Puerto Rico, Chile,
Thailand, and Holland. Repeat host: Miami (1984-1985). Repeat winner: Venezuela (1981, 1986). In 1972, Miss Zaire
won the Miss Amity trophy – the pageant’s consolation prize. But in the more Egalitarian Eighties, two Miss Zaire
delegates actually placed in the Top Ten and one of them came in third for the Miss Universe crown. Latinas sat on
the Universal throne for three consecutive years [1985, 1986, and 1987]. The last winner (to date) from the Far East
[Thailand] captured the crown in the only year the pageant was held in Taiwan and in the only year (ever) in which
four of the five finalists represented the Orient. The name of the game was diversity and on-stage interviews were
held in the unexpected languages of Korean, Finnish, Swedish, and Polish along with the old standbys like Spanish,
French, Italian, Portuguese, and German. In the exotic world of Miss Universe, the Portuguese was spoken by Brazilians
and the French uttered by central Africans.
Let us not forget that the most adorable Little Sisters (and their precious anthem “You Are My Star”) were born in
this decade as well. The final question and the isolation booth came and went, but much of the ritual endured.
Rites that made the Miss Universe not only wonderful, but wondrous – the Creed of Honor, the throne, sashes for
all three semi-final categories, flowers and dances indigenous to the host country, and more importantly,
a true sense of amazement, astonishment, and sisterhood symbolized by the queen-elect’s open mouth and the cordial
kiss and embrace offered by the first runner-up, always a true lady and queen in her own right.
JUAN PRADO
October 1, 2005
